Child Custody – More on How To Win in Custody Court

How To Win In A Child Custody Case

                Many people have a hard time with the personal aspects of going through a child custody case, aside from the logistical and legal complications involved in such a situation. One of the largest contributors to a negative experience during a child custody battle is problems with communication. If nobody is talking to each other, nothing is going to get done. This has many different effects on your case and the people involved and especially yourself; if you’re not being upfront about what’s going on then no progress will be made. Communication issues can bleed through into other aspects of the case such as preparation, being dependable and responsible for yourself and others involved and most of all where your child stands in all of this.

  • Doing Your Homework. A lot of people have a problem with being prepared for a child custody case in general, not necessarily just the court room. Being organized is probably one of the best things you can do for yourself. Showing up unprepared with the proper paperwork or lack thereof or having inadequate records of events or financial information is like showing up to a party not dressed properly, you stand out. Make sure you cover all your bases. This doesn’t just add to your court case, but it also shows those who are handling the case that you’re on top of things.
  • Be There When It Counts. If you’re not dependable, then you’re going to have a hard time getting the child custody arrangement you think is best for the family. Aside from the judge and whatever third party is involved seeing that you can be places when you’re supposed to be, your kids take notice of such things as well. One of the most common negative feelings a child can have throughout a divorce, if a parent is somewhat flaky, is the feeling of being let down, and this echoes on into the rest of their lives as well. One of the biggest things in life is simply showing up on time. You can’t miss a court date or a meeting your attorney or your ex’s attorney, it looks bad.
  • Where Does Your Child Fit Into All This? This may seem like an obvious answer because they are the subject of this issue but knowing where they stand, emotionally and psychologically, is incredibly important. If they’re upset about the custody process of all this, you need to talk to them. Avoiding the issue is an easy way to deal with things, but you’re not really dealing with the custody issue at hand. Take notice if they’re mood changes or if they start having trouble in schools. While they are the subject of your custody case, it’s important not to get them in the middle of anything. They shouldn’t be a middle man between you and your ex. They need to know that they have nothing to worry about and that life will go on regardless of you and your ex, their mother or father, not getting along. You never want to fall into the trap of parental alienation. This can truly be detrimental to your custody case.

Not everyone is a good communicator. If this is an issue for you, your kids, or between you and your ex, make sure you find a solution. Not knowing when court dates are and having no communication with the other party or your child can make things a lot worse and can actually work against you. There are resources out there to help with these types of factors. It’s ok to ask for help. This could even be a great way to get closer to your family as you go through the motions to try and win custody of your child.

Click here to learn more www.AboutTheChildren.org

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105 comments on “Child Custody – More on How To Win in Custody Court
  1. Great advice. It is so important to stay organized when it comes to your divorce. The emotional part may make you feel completely unorganized but it is critical to keep all your documents in order and have everything you need for each court date and/or conference. It is also important to document everything, almost like your own timeline so that you keep things organized for yourself and can even use it as a reference in court or when speaking with your legal team etc. And as you say in this post, keep the kids out of it! That was truly my first and foremost responsibility and I must say, I did a good job with it. I shielded my son from everything, he knows nothing at all about the case. He is 9 now and unfortunately things still pop up and I still have to deal with certain aspects of my case and to this day, he is not aware of any of the communication I have with his dad about it. So so so important. DO NOT talk divorce in front of the kids, do not take phone calls about divorce in front of the kids, do not leave the paperwork out. Trust me, I know it is hard to do if you are with your kids all of the time, but if I could do it, anyone can.

  2. Serenity says:

    Reblogged this on Serenity's Musings and commented:
    Very applicable to single parents in my neck of the woods :)

  3. Serenity says:

    Great post! My fiancee’s son is 12 this year and I believe this is the age the child gets to decide who he wants to live with permanently and I think this will be a great post to refer to when going to court for this. Will bookmark this and refer back to it when the time comes. Thanks so very much! I am glad I decided to follow you. Glad there are people like you around to put up info around! :)

    • Our hope is that any information we share is helpful and supportive to the audiences reading it. As previously stated, a judge makes any final decision with any case, a child can give their opinion and can be considered in the decision making process. Thanks for your remarks and support!

  4. rdinde says:

    I am very organized and have all my paperwork together, my opening statements, receipts, phone call records from father to child – which is a bear minimum. I have been living in another state with my children for a little over 4 years and all of a sudden now my estranged ex wants custody of the children. He has hired an attorney, and I cannot afford one – I do work, but as a single mom with one income and two children it is very tough. I do not, nor have I ever gotten child support. I have solely provided for my childrens needs. I know I am a loving, supportive, and nurturing parent however the fact that he has an attorney and I dont really worries me!! I am afraid of the lies he may tell….he is very vindictive and hateful. any advice from anyone would be welcomed!!

    • Greetings Robyn,
      Thank you for reaching out and being a strong mother through this journey. As you stated your children have been residing with you for quite some time, be prepared to prove that with any school and doctor records. First off please remember that we are not a law firm so anything stated here or from our company should not be considered legal advice, mainly general information about typical case circumstances. Usually in situations like this, its pretty difficult for another party to get a judgement for a change in custody when the children have been residing in one place for more than several years. Any false allegations he and his attorney try to bring up must be verifiable and supported by quantifiable evidence.
      Are your children doing well in school? Any domestic abuse going on? Any drug use on your behalf? These are typical accusations brought up in family court, that without hard evidence fall by the way side.
      I believe you submitted an inquiry to our advocate department last night. You should, if not already, receive a call from one of our parent advocates to discuss the case further with. We hope we can help you further and that this information has brought some encouragement to you.

  5. [...] Child Custody – More on How To Win in Custody Court (aboutthechildrenblog.com) [...]

  6. cwordlaw says:

    Great job! What would be helpful to know is what can be done for a parent that refuses to discuss the issues concerning the kids and agreement too. An example would be that my ex refers me to her lawyer, instead of dealing with me like an adult. I can’t say this is a remedy, but I’ve informed her lawyer that I won’t talk to him unless an agreement can be made with his client and if she refuses to discuss my proposed changes, then the judge will have to make.a decision. I’m not sure if that will work, but I wish I had some other way for us to make joint decisions. But at least I am trying…

    Being self represented, I have been often at a disadvantage when her lawyer gets involved but I hope this is a step in the right direction for us as parents

  7. rdinde says:

    Thank you all so very much! Our children are straight A students, active in school activities and very well behaved. I have had their teachers both supply statements regarding their appearance, behavior and grades. I have never been abusive to my children, nor am I a drug user. My ex on the other hand was very abusive which is why I fled to my home state. The only thing I have done during my four+ years living in another state with my children, which my husband plans on attacking me for is a job…I faced unemployment, trying to live on an unemployment check without any other income was very tough. Jobs are scarce..I looked for a year for a job – either over qualified or someone more qualified..when I was faced with the end of my unemployment I took a job for 2 months on the internet – chat site, the section I started on was non nude, however, I was moved over after a month as this wasn’t decent income. I tried that for 2 weeks and quit..was not for me, and I found a job. During that time I never worked online while my children were home, only during school hours. I was desperate for some type of income, however it was not enough to support us. I don’t think I am a bad mom for trying to provide for my children, I didn’t do anything illegal and it in no way harmed them – however my husband thinks otherwise. Since then, thankfully I am fully employed and have a wonderful job.

  8. [...] Child Custody – More on How To Win in Custody Court (aboutthechildrenblog.com) [...]

  9. rdinde says:

    I have another issue and Im not sure what to do now! My ex husbands attorney filed a motion to compel, requesting me to submit documents. I did in fact submit what she wanted – income records, etc on Friday, Feb 15th. Then yesterday I received a paper from the judge assigned to the case that our custody hearing was postponed as his attorney filed another claim on Feb 19th, that I did not comply??? I did..I have my credit card receipt where I paid for my copies, I hand carried them to her office and have proof as someone drove me there…so now what???? I am not sure what I am even supposed to do now..but I did comply and the judge needs to know that!!! HELP!!!

    • Simply respond with the proof that you provided all the documents and items they were requesting on time. If you have proof, like you stated, you should be in the clear. Try contacting your local family court facilitator regarding which forms you need, if you don’t already have them, to respond to this last court document. Sounds like you’ve already filed and started the custody case process, so we wont be able to do anything else from that end. Hope this info helps out and you are able to speak with someone in person at family court.

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  97. amelia newhart says:

    Well I had a question regarding the custody issue my daughters dad has never been in her life n shes eight there’s been no actual set custody but I missed a court date because I didn’t understand what I had to do n so they allowed him to come pick her up from school I guess he’s got sole custody now the next day I got a attorney n its been about two weeks he I’m scared for her well being n he won’t let her talk to me any ideas??

    • Hello Amelia, thank you for inquiring on our blog! Missing a court date is never a good thing but you do still have options. It sounds like you’ve obtained some legal council and they should be able to outline what your options at this point are and how to go about proceeding to the next step as well as give you some legal advice on your issue. It’s always a good idea to obtain some kind of assistance with these kinds of issues. However, time and money can be issues for a lot of people. And that’s why we’ve been able to help so many parents in need. Please contact us to see how we can help you with this.

      (800) 787-4981

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